The ALL NEW MACRO EYE 2000™
No more need for a loupe or low power microscope, just straight up 10x magnification WITH YOUR EYE!!!
Heh...
My left eye is a bit of a runt. A chronic iris infection since my 14th, cataract at 21 and the ever present 'floaters' have caused my brain to label the input coming from that runt as 'second rate' and 'marginally important'. I do most of my viewing with my right eye with which I see like a hawk.
About two weeks ago the runt shit itself completely. A new patch of fuzziness was floating through my vitreous humor (I really like the English translation of that stuff) and I thought: "here we go again... now what?" I rang the ophthalmologist and booked an appointment. That appointment was to take place last Monday.
Long story short: diagnose: retinal detachment so instant hospitalization and surgery. The first round of surgery was a bit of a feck-up. The local anesthetic they injected didn't hit home properly so when the surgeon first stuck a needle in my eye I had to tell him that "I WAS FEELING A FECKING NEEDLE IN MY EYE!!" - "Woops, more anesthetics... you know what, let's knock him out altogether..." - "Good idea!" - A minute or two of running around by the anesthesiologists - Return of the surgeon: "Hey, where did that hematoma come from?" - "WHAT HEMATOMA?! - Apparently the eyelid spreader they jammed in there had hit a vein in my bottom eyelid and now, 5 minutes after starting the whole endeavor, the inside of my eyelid was growing into a monster big enough to obstruct the surgeon's view of the area he was planning to jam his probe in. That did it... "Attention all personnel, abort mission! Mr. Spauwen, we shall see you later! Go home and lay on your back for 4 days, don't move your head or you will go blind!"
Naturally, I wasn't impressed...
Fortunately, Friday was a different story and the whole thing went by without me noticing a thing. What they do with retinal detachment is the following:
1. suck your vitreous humor out of your eye (in my case a bonus: that gets rid of my floaters at the same time)
2. somewhat push the retina back in place
3. fasten the retina to the back of the eye with a laser (basically: burn it on there in a few spots)
4. Fill your eye up with a gas, the bubble acts as a 'pusher', it makes sure the retina is held up to the back of the eye for a week or two so that it grows back to where it belongs. I was told I wouldn't be seeing much until that gas bubble had diffused into my system and was completely replaced by fluid.
And here it comes: When I first opened my eye this morning, stuff was fuzzy indeed. Me being me I checked for a focal point and bang! At about an inch and a bit away from my eye I got one!!! I HAVE A MACRO EYE!!! Wooohooo!!!
I AM NOW HALF HUMAN, HALF MICROSCOPE!
